Popeye the Sailor Man: Part II

Popeye the Sailor Man
The Action Movie Reboot
Part II

Popeye gets dressed quickly and storms out of the hotel. Wimpy rushes to keep up with him. Popeye and Wimpy speed toward the police station. Upon arrival Popeye asks the officers if he can question the captured terrorist. They allow him and Wimpy to enter the interrogation room. The terrorist, exhausted from a night of questioning, looks up at Popeye as he enters the room. Popeye stands over him. From the other side of the one way mirror, the officers look upon the scene.

Popeye: (angry ramblings)

Terrorist: I will tell you nothing.

Popeye slams the man’s head into the table.

Popeye: (even angrier ramblings)

Wimpy: Popeye stop! We’ll never get information out of him this way.

Popeye punches the terrorist in the face. He tumbles from the chair and crashes to the floor. Blood pours from his nose and mouth.

Terrorist: I’ll talk! I’ll talk! Bluto kidnapped your wife and son as soon as he found out you were pursuing him. Collateral, you know?

Popeye: (angry gibberish) … mole … (something about cheesecake?)

Terrorist: I don’t know who the mole is. I swear, I swear! Bluto doesn’t know either. The only person who has talked to the mole is Cardinal Pierre. Whoops! I mean …

Wimpy: Ah ha! So the Vatican is in on this.

One of the officers behind the one way mirror turns to his partner.

Officer 1: You heard that?

Officer 2 [Played by Michael Bay]: Yes I did. Tell the captain to contact our associates in Vatican City. We’ll figure out who this Pierre guy is and what he has to do with all of this.

Back in the interrogation room, the terrorist pleads for his safety.

Terrorist: Please sir. I beg you! Don’t hit me again.

Popeye and Wimpy exit the room without saying a word. In the hallway Wimpy confronts Popeye.

Wimpy: What the hell was that?

Popeye: (gibberish)

Wimpy: That wasn’t you in there. It’s like you are some kind of monster now.

Popeye: I yam what I yam!

Popeye storms off with Wimpy trailing behind. Meanwhile at the Vatican, Bluto returns to meet the cardinals. In the archives, three cardinals once again wait impatiently. One of the cardinals has an old, rare book.

Cardinal 1: Pierre, this manuscript. Is it true?

Pierre [formerly Cardinal 2]: One can only have faith.

Cardinal 1: The power of a thousand men?

Pierre: If the legends are true, then Atlantis is the only place fertile enough for the legendary Plant of Atlantis. One bite of its mighty leaves and a man is granted with unfathomable strength.

Cardinal 1: Sir, do you think Bluto can be trusted?

Pierre: A brute like Bluto is weak to the temptations of money. As long as we supply him with cash, he is ours.

Bluto: Once again you boys underestimate me.

Bluto slides out from behind a bookshelf. Five others in all black attire and wielding machine guns follow close behind.

Bluto: I snuck in early and figured I would listen to your conversation. Figure out what is so important about this map and that amulet.

Pierre: I see there is no fooling you at this point. If one goes to the Tropic of Cancer at noon, sunlight passing through the amulet will summon forth Atlantis from its watery grave. There on Atlantis lies a plant –

Bluto (interrupting): - with the power to give anyone the strength of a thousand men. Sounds like something I wouldn’t mind trying out.

Pierre: We are heading out tomorrow morning.

Bluto: You will be, eh?

Bluto shoots and kills Pierre. The other men take care of the remaining cardinals. Bluto searches Pierre and finds the amulet.

Bluto: Now I can’t possibly let someone else get their hands on this rare plant. Men, let’s move out.

They exit the room. A few minutes later the police arrive.

Officer 3: What a mess! Hey, that is Cardinal Pierre, the guy the Egyptians were looking for.

Officer 4: Come check this out. Looks like some old book the cardinals were looking at.

They pick up the old book which is conveniently turned to the page on Atlantis and the Plant of Atlantis.

Officer 3: Our men back in Cairo may be interested in this.

They contact the officers in Cairo. Those men call Popeye on the mobile phone he now has. After a brief chat, he and Wimpy hop aboard a small fishing boat and chase down Bluto. A few minutes from shore, Wimpy looks concerned.

Wimpy: I am concerned. How do you plan on finding Bluto?

Popeye: (utter nonsense):

Wimpy: You may be a Seal, but the Atlantic Ocean is pretty big.

Popeye: (something)

Wimpy: I’m afraid I can’t let you do that Popeye.

Wimpy retrieves a small pistol from his coat pocket and points it at Popeye.

Popeye: (unintelligible) … mole … son of a … (unintelligible)

Wimpy: I’m sorry Popeye. Before I ran into you, Bluto found me. He wanted to collect on all the money I owed him. A quarter of a million. Your Navy Seal retirement package is pretty good. I blew through my little technical officer’s 401K in an afternoon at a McDonald’s. I don’t have a quarter of a million dollars lying around to pay anybody. So Bluto offered a deal. I help him find that amulet and in return he would call us even. Then you got involved and now I have to take care of you.

Popeye lunges for the gun. A struggle ensues. Wimpy drops the gun. They wrestle for it. Wimpy manages to grab the gun. He shoots a round as Popeye tackles him to the ground. The bullet hits a propane tank aboard the ship. A large explosion rocks the small fishing vessel. After a few blows to Wimpy’s head, Popeye is convinced he knocked him out. He rises to his feet, grabs a fire extinguisher, and puts out the fire before it can destroy the ship. Wimpy shakes off his injuries and reaches for the gun once more. He places his index finger on the trigger. Popeye notices him in the reflection on a piece of glass. Popeye grabs a board with a nail in it lying nearby. He spins around and plunges the nail into Wimpy’s temple. Wimpy collapses. A few hours later, Popeye puts Wimpy’s body on a life raft, sets it on fire, and pushes it out to sea.

Bluto arrives at the Tropic of Cancer. It is only seconds away from high noon. He hoists the amulet in the air. At exactly noon a beam of light shines through the gemstone on the amulet and onto the water’s surface. After a few intense moments of anticipation, the sea begins to rumble. Air bubbles emerge all around. Bluto orders his men to move the ship back. Then an island covered in stone and monoliths rises from the sea. It is Atlantis. Bluto smiles as he lands his ship at a nearby dock.

Just over the horizon is Popeye. His Navy Seal training served him well. He was able to track down Bluto on the open sea. With Atlantis above water, he hoists all the sails and charges at full speed. Bluto notices the sails.

Bluto: That’s Popeye I’ll bet. That little one-eyed runt is the only one that could find us out here. You boys wait here for our visitor. Me and our other guests will head into the island and see if we can find this plant.

Bluto’s goons wait for Popeye to arrive. As the ship approaches the dock, the goons jump aboard and start looking for Popeye. They can find no one. They look around puzzled. Suddenly Popeye, who had jumped in the water, swam ahead of the ship, and snuck onto the dock before the henchmen could notice, slices their throats with the biggest Bowie knife allowed on screen. He steals their guns and heads into the island.

Gunfire ensues. Bluto drags Olive Oyl and Swee’Pea with him as he looks for this mysterious plant. In his mind he is picturing something like an apple tree from the Garden of Eden. He imagines a tree whose fruit shimmers in the sunlight, beckoning to be eaten. He ascends a spiraling staircase inside a large tower. He hopes to get a better vantage point from the extra height. Popeye gives chase, but is quickly outnumbered.

Pinned down by bullets from all directions, Popeye looks for a way out. All he can see are dirt, stones, and some kind of green leafy plant with no visible flowers. He ponders for a moment. Could this be the mysterious plant? What would it hurt to try? He grabs a handful of the plant. It’s spinach! He begins to spit it out when suddenly he is overwhelmed with adrenaline. His veins bulge. A wave runs across his body from his chest, through his arms, and ending in his hands. A few moments later Popeye was transformed. He appeared about the same, but as the legend said, he now had the strength of a thousand men. He grabs a large stone and hurls it toward some of the terrorists. He smashes two of them. He drops his machine guns and charges the remaining henchmen.

Bluto notices the melee and Popeye’s transformation. He realizes the spinach is the key. He looks around, but finds none on the tower. Popeye swiftly dispatches with the goons, hurling some of them several miles away and driving some of them deep into the ground with a single downward punch.

Now only Bluto remains. Popeye runs up the side of the tower. He gets to the top of the tower when the effect of the super spinach wears off. He stares down Bluto. Bluto is clutching Olive Oyl and Swee’Pea with one arm.

Bluto: It looks like this is the end for you my friend.

Popeye: (unintelligible) … boot up your … (unintelligible)

Bluto: You still have a chance. You have seen what this spinach can do. Together we would be unstoppable. Whole nations would bow to us. Think of the possibilities.

Popeye: (rubbish)

Bluto releases his hostages and charges Popeye. The two of them exchange blow after blow. They descend the tower’s staircase. The fight spills over into the stone labyrinth. They momentarily separate. Sneaking around Bluto discovers a small patch of spinach. Still on top of the tower, Olive Oyl sees Bluto and screams out to Popeye. This distracts Bluto long enough for Popeye to turn the corner and pick up the fight before Bluto can taste the miracle vegetable.

The fight carries on for several more minutes. They manage to return to the top of the tower. Exhausted, they take a break from exchanging blows. They try to catch their breaths.

Bluto: Boy you could have been something. (pants) You could have been my second in command. Now I’ll have to finish you off.

Popeye: (mumbles something)

Bluto: You know what you are? You are just a little one-eyed runt!

Popeye: No. I’m Popeye the Motherfuckin’ Sailor Man.

Popeye lunges forward and slams Bluto’s face with a hard right punch. Bluto stumbles backward. Popeye notices the edge of the tower. Bluto is destined to tumble over. Popeye leaps over and grabs his old friend’s hand as he stumbles over the ledge. Popeye is barely able to hold on.

Bluto: You know I was kidding about all that stuff, right? You know how I like to trash talk.

As he speaks, Bluto notices a patch of spinach just out of reach. If he swings from Popeye’s arm, he could make it. He presses his luck. Bluto leans back, swings forward, and tries to break away from Popeye’s arm. Popeye, weak from the battle, is unable to hold onto the jerking Bluto. Bluto slips from his grip and falls to the hard stones below. He is motionless.

Just then the island begins to submerge again. Popeye attempts to gather some spinach, but Olive Oyl reminds him he doesn’t have time. Popeye, Olive Oyl, and Swee’Pea make it to the fishing boat, untie it from the peer and cast off into the sea as the island finally returns to its former resting place. After a few smiles and laughs, Popeye makes a terrible discovery.

Popeye: (unintelligible)

Olive Oyl: The engine is broken? Hmm …. I have an idea!

Olive Oyl reveals a purse full of the magical green leaves. Popeye downs a handful, transforms again, jumps into the ocean, and pushes the fishing boat back to shore. The credits roll as Popeye pushes the boat over the horizon.